Oops, missed a day! It turns out that breaking my door handle was really not the best idea… even if that freed me from what might have been six hours stuck out there on my own. I had to pay around 8k to have the door fixed. 8k that I luckily can sorta kinda spare, but it was painful punishment for a moment of stupidity nonetheless.
So I had a pretty bad day and I stressed a lot about money and having to make it or even just think about it. You see, I’m not a business-minded person by nature. A lot of people are — they just have all sorts of ideas about how to make business fun and profitable. I just flail and fail in that area. It scares me, but I also just really don’t like money very much (what it does to us, how it controls society) so I make little effort to fix it. (Yes, I know I am in a privileged position to even be able to say that.)
Today I came home to my parents’ house and enjoyed the lunch I didn’t have to pay for and the snacks that I also didn’t have to pay for and it makes me want to be lazy all my life. But even if I didn’t have to shell out money for lunch and snacks today, there’s a different price to pay for the sort of dependence I preserve by living here… my independence. Nothing is ever really free.
I haven’t started to earn just yet, but I’ve a job that kicks off later this month. It’s taken me 26 years to start working, partially because I changed course a couple of years back when I failed out of law school, but also because the idea of work (for profit) makes me uneasy. Even when I wanted to be a lawyer I attached it to the idea that I would be making a difference for my country. The job I start in a couple of weeks is one through which I hope to make a change too, in a different way. Earning is incidental — but also necessary, unfortunately, to continue in doing almost anything. That makes me sad.
I can already hear my dad saying: “Mariana, are you a socialist??!” To which I’d give a shrug and a little smile. I guess I am. If only humanity could handle it.
From each according to ability, to each according to needs.